Marriage Is...

A best man's speech should be like a mini-skirt: short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the bare essentials.

A classified ad which read "Wife Wanted" received hundreds of responses, all from men saying "You can have mine."

A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

A husband expects his wife to be perfect... and to understand why he's not.

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.

A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.

A son asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son. I'm still paying for it."

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A toast to the newlyweds: May your only ups and downs be between the sheets.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy.

Bachelor: A guy who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married... and then it was too late.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay full attention to what you have to say, talk in your sleep.

If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.

Man is incomplete until he is married. After that he is finished.

Man: Rules the roost. Woman: Rules the rooster.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is grand... and divorce is about 10 grand.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).

Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

My wife's cooking is so bad that we pray after we eat.

She offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

The three stages of sex in marriage: tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly

They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

Taken from http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=1425&id=1

For more .. go to www.jokesgallery.com

Its omg funny right !!! its only a smalll portiionnn !! go read go read !! Been at it for .. close to 2 hours already =)

And another joke! ahh omg ..

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too."

Hahaha.. guess im getting really really crazy nowadays.. laughing like mad at the dumbest things!!! hahahahahahha